Haunting Me
by ThisYearsGirl
Summary: BA: Angel blames himself for Buffy's death in S5...BladdyBlah A note comes from buffy before she died
1. Default Chapter

-Haunting Me-

Chapter 1 ; ) 

I own notta-nothin' U no the dealio..! 

Angel and Buffy haven't seen each other since 'graduation day' part 2 * 

R & R! Xo0x ILU!

(A/N: Thanks www.Buffyworld.com for Script and contains lyrics from Britney Spears -Everytime-)

  
  


~Notice me  
take my hand  
So why are we  
Strangers when  
Our love is strong  
Why carry on without me?~

  
  


Angel and the rest of the Fang Gang strutted into the garden outside the Hyperion  
Fred: "Are-are you sure about that?"  
Cordy: "Trust me. Tacos everywhere - and - soap!"   
Gunn: "Yo, that portal jumping is a fun ride. We sell it to a theme park we could get paid!"   
Angel pushes to the front as the get to the doors leading into the hotel itself.   
Angel smiling: "Okay. Can I say it? I wanna say it."   
Wesley: "Say what?"   
Angel pushes the double doors open, walking into the lobby.   
Angel: "There's no place like..."   
Trails off as he sees Willow sitting hunched up on one of the chairs in the lobby.   
Angel's smile vanishes as Willow looks up at him.   
Angel: "Willow?"   
Cordy: "What's..?"   
Willow slowly gets up, never taking her eyes off Angel.   
Angel quietly: "It's Buffy."

---------------------------------------------------------*

"She's gone Angel," Willow spoke slowly, her eyes rimmed with red. 

"What do you mean gone?" Cordy asked suddenly breaking the doleful silence.

"She's gone, forever Cordy, I can't feel her... I can't.... feel her." Angel wavering in his stance somewhat.

"Oh my God," Cordy said slowly sitting down. 

Wes, Gunn, and Fred glanced at each other. They didn't know Buffy like the others, but they could feel the pain.

Angel walked to his room without another word. He fell to his knee's, tears coming like blood from a wound. He remembered the last time he say her. He looked right into her eyes and slipped into the fog. Never looking back though he wanted to more than anything. 

//Flashback//

Angel: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go.   
Buffy: Where?   
Angel: I don't know.   
Buffy: Is this really happening? 

Buffy walked over to Angel, hugged him and they said their goodbyes

*He loves me , I love him , this isn't fair* Buffy thought. She slipped the note into his pocket without him noticing... and he left. 

- After the Ascension, Angel went to LA and got an apartment. He took off his jacket and a note slipped out.

Dear Angel, 

Everytime I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you baby  


I make believe  
That you are here  
It's the only way  
I see clear  
What have I done  
You seem to move on easy

I love you, I'll always love you.

-Buffy

  
  
  
  


---------3 months after Buffy's death-------------------------------*

Wesley: "When Angel comes back..."

Gunn: "When *is* he coming back anyway?"

Cordy: "As soon as he works through his grief a little."

Gunn: "A little? Buff..."

Cordy: "Don't! Say the 'B' word."

Gunn: "The 'B' word was the love of his life, and he's,.what? 250? That isn't a short life. That grief work is gonna take more than a vacation in Sri Lanka."

Wesley: "It isn't a vacation. It's a spiritual retreat at a monastery."

"Angel's always going to miss Buffy, I just hope he can come back not blameing himself like when he left," Cordy said.

  
  


"How can he blame himself he wasn't even in this dimension?" questioned Gunn.

  
  


" Do you know Angel at all?" Cordy jingled.

  
  


"Why wouldn't he know me?" Angel asked, entering the Hyperion.

  
  


"Angel!" Cordy squealed, "I'm so glad your back! We missed you." 

  
  


"I missed you too," Angel spoke, softly.

  
  
  
  


Angel went up to brood in his room after his re-meeting and greeting. He still felt the hole in his heart. The one that only Buffy could fill.

  
  


***Knock at door***

  
  


"Come in"

  
  


Cordy walked in slowly. "This came for you a couple days after you left. There was no return address."

  
  


"Thanks Cordy," Angel replied.

  
  


"No problem, Im just glad your back and better." She turned to leave, just before the door shut she turned around.

  
  


"Angel, I changed my mind, Im not gonna play dumb. Your still hurting I can feel it. If you need anything, you know I'm here right?" She looked genuinely concerned.

  
  


"I know Cord, Thanks but I kinda just wanna be alone."

Cordy walked out the door. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------*

  
  


Angel took another look at the envelope. It was thin and it's edges were slightly creased. It was in Buffy's hand writing.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Angel, 

Everytime I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you baby  


I make believe  
That you are here  
It's the only way  
I see clear  
What have I done  
You seem to move on easy

The battle here is going to be hard and brutal. If I don't make I want to tell you I love and that no matter how long you live my love is never ending. 

-Buffy

The tears came slowly at first and then faster . He would never love anyone like her, never. He felt like he was back in Hell. *I could have saved her I could have help I could have been there. She needed me*

  
  


Angel lay on the bed for what seemed like days.

  
  


"Angel.?, Angel are you still in there?" Cordy spoke softley.

  
  


Cordy took the silence as a yes and walked in. Angel was asleep on the bed with the letter sitting on his chest.

  
  


She pulled the paper away and read it.

  
  


"Oh god," she whispered.

  
  


Angel slowly awoke to find Cordy sitting in the chair next his bed. 

  
  


"Cordelia...what are you doing here?" he asked still sleepy.

"Angel, are you sure your ok?" she answered.

  
  


"She need me Cordy, she needed me."

"Buffy knew you loved her Angel, and that's all she needed."

  
  


"That's not enough and you know it. I was supposed to be there, I should have been there."

  
  


" Look Angel, I don' t want you to have to suffer, you can't blame yourself."

  


Angel doesn't answer. "This is gonna be one of those talks where I do all the talking, isn't it? Well, I'm not gonna pry. It's not my style. Okay, it's totally my style, but I can tell that I'm not getting anywhere right now."

  
  


"Angel please, just come back down."

  
  


"I'll come down in a little bit. I have to do something first."

"Ok"

Angel grabbed a pen and began to write.


	3. Peace

Buffy,

Everytime I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you baby  


I may have made it rain  
Please forgive me  
My weakness caused you pain  
And this is my sorry

Im miss you Buff. More then I miss the sun, and the daylight, and my happiness. If I could have been there I would have. If I could have traded your life for mine I would have in a second. You were my constant. My constant reminder of all that was good in this world. People have said that absence makes the heart grow fonder but you not being her is making me weak. I need you. My fighting for good and searching for redemption was all meaningless Buffy, you weren't. Life without you is going to be hard and painful, but you told me once that that's what being strong is. And I'm going to be strong. You saved me once when I thought I had no reason left to live. There's no way left for me to repay except to keep going and that's what I'll do. I love with all of my soul, though it may be cursed, you were the only one who ever had control over it. More than I even did. I give you my eternal love.

  
  


`Always, Angel

  
  


Angel took the paper and lit a match he burned it with a single blood red rose. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'm gonna go out for a while guys, I'll be back before sunrise." Angel said. 

  
  


"Angel, where are you going?" 

  
  


"I have to do something, I promise I'll be back soon."

And he left.

  
  


"Where do you think hes goin?" Gunn asked.

Cordy raised her eyebrows, "I'm not sure, I just hope he's not gonna pull another sunrise suicide."

  
  


"Do you want us to go after him?" 

  
  


Wes interrupted, "I think we should just let him go, I'm sure he'll be fine."

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------*

  
  


Angel made the long drive to Sunnydale. Thinking about Buffy the whole way there. He reached the cemetery where Willow said Buffy was buried. He searched for Buffy's grave. It didn't take him long. 

  
  


He kneeled down and gave the headstone a delicate kiss. He sprinkled the ashes of the note over the grave. He spoke softly, "I love you" as he stood up. He turned to leave, the wind whistled whipping against his cold body. A voice in the breeze was quiet and comforting. "I love you, too" Angel drove away knowing he would be OK. Buffy had forgiven him and she was happy wherever she was.

  
  


THE END 


End file.
